The Down Side to Christmas

Every year it seems as if the “Christmas Spirit” starts earlier and earlier. By spirit I mean specials, and bombarded commercials. You can take a wild guess that I most certainly do not like the holidays. For 18 years I’ve stayed home with no cable watching the same old Christmas cartoons and Christmas show specials that show up every year. Of course living  in a Haitian household I was in, I could never go out and have fun, watch the New Years’ fireworks, or join the Christmas caroling. Perhaps I grew dislike for Christmas gears around these “few years”.

Not to mention witnessing parents brainwash their kids into believing Santa Clause is real and then crushing their dreams and beliefs as they get older. Tell someone’s child Jesus is a myth and you’re burned at the stake, crowned as the devil but lying about Santa Clause is perfectly fine, “you’ll get over it.” Nonetheless I adored passing through other people’s neighborhoods, who spent well enough money to decorate their entire house, gazing at the luminous lights that lit up the dark night sky. Santa Claus may not be real but it would sure be nice to see an actual sled full of flying reindeer’s swift through cities in one night…. Yeah right like the army wouldn’t have shot Santa down declaring it was a terrorist attack . Just ranting!

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Bump In the Road

Why do we need a holiday once a year to spend time with our family? Is it too much for us to say I’m thankful for all you’ve done for me? This year marks six years without my sister, Brittany, who unfortunately suffers from epilepsy. Brittany was taken from us by the government, she’s mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. With the four days she has with us, shes petrified of the thought of going back to the “prison”, home to other disabled kids. Not a minute goes by does she not mention what she goes through, who annoys her, and how scared she is to go back. The supervisors monitoring the kids are no help. One of the supervisor tells Brittany how fat she is because she can’t  zip up her pants.

I can see the pain she carries because let’s just say I’ve experienced my own emotional break down myself. I hate not doing anything, but my hands are tied with school and another wave of books coming my way next year. It will take me at least 6 to 8 years to be financially set up and I’m sure she can’t hold on for that long. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and begin thinking can I even go through this? I start drifting off in thought, “it’s winning, I’m cornered and there’s no way out”. If anyone knew what goes on in the privacy of my mind I’d be committed to an institution for the rest of my life. Then I remember why I’m still going, she’s the reason. My sister and I never got on the right foot. We would fight for anything and everything, it soon became our entertainment.

I realized a few years ago during my darkest days, life isn’t about you, your pursuit of happiest. Even if she’ll never be able to drive a car, get married or have kids I have a feeling she still has a greater purpose in life than I do. And I’m ok with that.

Thanksgiving Prayer!

“Dear Darwin

who art one with Earth.

Hallowed be thy theory thy evolution exist.

Nature’s selections be done,

on Earth as is with logic.

Give us this day our rational thought.

Forgive us our impatience,

as we forgive the ignorant.

Lead us not into pointless debates but deliver us from Creationism.

For thine be the scientist, discoverer and teacher!

Forever and ever!

Eureka!!!!”

-Unknown

Weary Love

You brought me wine and bleed it with poison,

Could I have been any blinded to not see your hidden agenda?

There’s so many times someone can trip over your lumpish lies,

Surprising part, was finding the Beauty you call friend

Communing with you at the table, the passion spoke for itself.

As I watched you drift away my heart grew weary.

Deprived of love, for the next one that comes along.

My Love is foreclosing and there’s no buying out,

An end to my era!

You Are…

You are the bolting pulse in my heart 

You raise up my body hair

You are the sensation under my skin through my veins

You are what makes my stomach feel like a 2 ton brick falling inside me

You are the cringing in my toes, the sweat pouring from my hands

You are the cause I get tongue tied, the frog in my throat

You are the passion inside me, and the strength within me

You are the unlimited sky in my horizon, the open sea to new findings

I testify who you are, but, do you know who you are?

Are you who I thought you were? 

Are you even You?

Answer me Love!